Introduction: Part 1, Take 2094

by Mookie

I am The Emperor.

That's me. To the left. I'm pretty spectacular, aren't I?

I live with three other animals two humans. We'll get to them later. For now, let's talk about me. Because I'm awesome. I'm the Tsar of Awesome. That's what you can call me, "The Tsar of Awesome." Forget "The Emperor" stuff. Tsar of Awesome is more awesome. I'm awesome in so many ways. For example, I can eat disgusting cat food which leaves me with disgusting breath but then clean my whole body with that same stinky mouth and smell awesome. Also, I am a totally stellar hunter. I am the only animal in this house who has killed things. That's awesome. I'm also a highly-successful escape artist, a certified mechanic's assistant, I'm learning to sew (hard, I can only catch the threads at this point), and can tame dogs, both large and small. And then there are my good looks, charm, ability to be cool at the same time I'm being cute and snuggly. I mean seriously people: what's more totally awesome than that?

I wasn't always so awesome. I know it's hard to believe, but it's totally true. When I was first rescued and brought to the shelter, I had a cold and a runny nose. In fact, I was so sick that they named me, "Bugger." I'm not making that up. Bugger. Totally uncool.

Despite my whacked name, I was taken in by the no-kill rescue folks. I like them for two reasons:

1. Uh, hello? NO KILL.

2. They renamed me. Dancer. Which will not yet awesome, isn't Bugger.

You know everyone wants a friggin kitten. Kittens, I'll have you know, are total spazzes who are going to destroy your house and tip over a lot. If you want a cat, get a cat. Get a cat who knows who he is (like the Tsar of Awesome) and will bring that personality into your life and force you to like it. That's sort of thing promises to build character and patience rather than the narcissism that comes from trying to develop a cat into what you want him to be (BTW, fat chance with that and if you think you're successful, check the animal again. You probably gotten a dog by mistake or a super lame cat). That should be a slogan: Adopt and Adult: Stop Narcissism.

Moving on.

I came to live with Rules and Warmth. I belong to Warmth. But I wouldn't be here without Rules. She picked me out. Even though she said she thought white cats are a little dorky.

And along the way, I'll tell you all about that.

And about my minions: Leo the Drama Queen, Laney the Green Beret, and Turtle the Turtle (she's got some issues). BTW, their nicknames changed based on their particular antics on any given day and/or how much they've displeased me. Which is rather a lot.

But for today, let's just focus on two things:

1. The Tsar of Awesome (me)

2. Adopt and Adult. Stop Narcissism

Rules' note: the picture at the top of the page is an inaccurate depiction of The Tsar's head only. For more inaccurate images of him, please go here.

Accurate image to the right.

He managed the construction of that cat house.

And his name is Mookie and he's more akin to a clumsy monkey than a fierce tiger.

He is indeed, however, quite awesome.